alexithymia

 i almost got hit by a car today i was walking my dog, which makes it a little less excusable. i thought i made eye contact with the driver as i was hitting the button for the walk sign, but i guess i was wrong. she barely swerved to miss me, gave a wave and mouthed something along the lines of "oh my god i'm so sorry". i gave a sheepish wave and carried on, she stayed in the intersection for whatever reason, i'm not sure. i'm sorry, mostly. i'm sorry that i had to see the mountains cut through the sky like so many jagged knives on a perfect searing day, the pavement melting to our soles like taffy. i hate that i have to feel sweet oxygen fill my lungs every day, each breath even better than the last, O2 nestling perfectly in the divot of a red blood cell specially adapted for it. i regret seeing the fantastic lights everywhere, feeling the connection with humanity, knowing what it's like to be a human being. and i hate that this morning, i saw the folds a